I’ve been paralyzed by fear, but she doesn’t control me anymore.
Fear used to be a constant companion. A chronic condition.
Fear accompanied me every waking hour. She was an uninvited houseguest who just wouldn’t leave. At some point, I stopped fighting Fear.
I didn’t invite her in, but I didn’t ask her to leave either. So, there she was taking up precious space in my life. Like a parasite, she began to consume more and more energy. My energy.
And as she zapped my reserves, she grew. Fear of money. Fear of failure. Fear of never being good enough. Fear of being unliked, unloved and unlovable. Fear of being alone for my whole life. Fear that I would always be depressed.
Fear & depression are old friends. Together, they can work a number on you.
Fear overwhelmed me. She constricted me and kept me tightly wound. Bound.
Fear isolated me. She exhausted me. The more I gave to her, the less I had for myself. I spent many nights languishing in my bed, cycling through all of my fears for hours on end.
One day as I was crawling out of depression, desperate for happiness or at least to be the opposite of detached, I realized that I had given Fear permission.
I had allowed her to rule me. And the only way forward was to assert some boundaries to free her stranglehold.
First, I vowed not to let Fear to silence me anymore. Fear gets uncomfortable when you talk about her. Her power diminishes. I opened up about my fears. In small whispers, then calmly and steadily.
I learned how to move forward with Fear. Despite Fear I took baby steps in the direction of my dreams. As I grew more confident, so did our distance.
I began talking back to Fear. When she told me I’d never find happiness, I questioned her authority. So, like, now you know the future, Fear? You’re, like, some sort of psychic fortuneteller? Didn’t think so.
Now, Fear stays away most of the time. She creeps back in when I’m about to make a big change or start something new. But, I know to expect her visits. I’m more prepared for her.
I know she won’t ever permanently go away, but I’m happy she’s taken up primary residence elsewhere.