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Do What Has To Be Done

March 30, 2010

 I am a tough lady. I expect a lot of myself. I expect a lot from my friends, family and co-workers. I do not feel any shame or embarrassment about this. In fact, I think it’s a good thing.

I want to pour myself entirely, completely, without abandon into my friendships, relationships and work. Therefore, I want to surround myself with people who are willing to meet me halfway. Friends who are as deeply committed. Colleagues who are passionate, who possess a spirit of in-it-togetherness that will compel them to get into the trenches when the going gets tough. I think these are admirable qualities.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.
To Be Of Use, Marge Piercy

I know high expectations are hard. I don’t always meet my own expectations or those placed on me externally. But each time I fail to meet one, or make a mistake, I learn something. Sometimes it’s profound. Other times, it’s not. But I learn, which enables me to grow stronger, better. And more passionate, focused and efficient.

Of course in order to learn, I have to humble myself. I have to admit that I’ve made a mistake. I have to own the places where I’ve dropped the ball. This is a challenge. A continuous analytic exercise. However, I understand the value of doing it.

A few days ago, I was told by another strong lady that I am too strong and that she cannot work with me. That she will not work with me in the future. This is so contradictory to how I work, what I believe. I want to surround myself with tough ladies and gentleman because I can learn from them. Through pushing each other to consider all the options -through challenging each other- we open ourselves up to a world of new possibilities. It isn’t easy. It’s draining and hard work. But, I’m up for it. I crave it. I want it.

I am so disappointed, hurt and upset that she threw in the towel when the going got tough. Instead of allowing both of us to rise to the occasion, she stepped out. She walked away. Ultimately, that’s exactly the type of person I don’t want to work with.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 30, 2010 5:18 pm

    That’s also my philosophy. I’ve dropped a lot of friends because of it, but in the end, the ones I have are real and tried and true. That’s what matters.

  2. Kanibal Home permalink
    March 31, 2010 11:04 pm

    Sometimes I think that we want so badly to see strength in people that what we’re really doing is reflecting our own feelings onto them. The hope that they have as much passion as we do. The hope that — when the going gets tough — they’ll get tougher. But in reality, what it comes down to, is that we’re all alone in our battles. That the only person you can count on is yourself. And realizing that makes you even stronger because whatever help you get is a bonus. And when people fail — they will, you will — it’ll only make you stronger and more knowledgeable. Bitter or better? That’s our choice in life.

    XO from dirty jerz 🙂

    • March 31, 2010 11:44 pm

      really well said, kristen! trying to avoid becoming embittered, but that’s hard. time and space can work wonders.

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